Steven Paglierani EP LCSWr BCD CASAC
On My Awakening & Becoming A Therapist
Life changing events rarely announce themselves. The one that happened to me when I was twelve was no exception. My grandfather had come for Sunday dinner. He was close to ninety and had done this only twice before.
In large part, this was due to my mother’s condition. She could tolerate only the most perfunctory talking and no loud noises at all. Because of this, we lived in monastic stillness, rarely speaking, including at meals which were almost always eaten in silence.
When dinner was over, my grandfather got up and went outside. Minutes later, my mother directed me to go sit with him. I remember feeling nervous as I opened the door—what do you say to a man whom you’ve never spoken to other than to utter hello? Moreover, having been raised in near silence, I had no idea how to have a conversation.
Worse yet, there were only two chairs behind my house. This left me with one option—to sit right next to him. Nervously, I sat and as I did he spoke my name. Even now, I can hear his gentle voice. And although I had no way to know it at the time, this conversation was about to change my life.
What happened next never fails to make me well up with tears, not so much from what he said but rather, because of how it made me feel. For the first time in my life, someone spoke to me as if what I thought mattered. As if I was not invisible. As if I existed as a person of some importance. Indeed, I have no words for what I felt other than to say I felt alive.
Can you picture me, a pathologically-shy twelve year old hanging on every word? My grandfather was eager to tell me about his life. And I was hungry to hear what he had to say. But just as I began to settle into what I felt sure was to be the most important conversation of my life, the back door slammed open and my mother shouted, “shut up, pop.” At which point, we resumed our silent poses. Fade to black.
Today, I know my grandfather was a disciple of the empirical wise man. My grandfather was a storyteller. Sadly, I met no other until I entered AA more than twenty years later. I mention this as it seems to have been the event which kindled my obsession with unraveling human nature. Indeed, from that day on, my hunger for people’s stories has never lessened. And along with it, my need to uncover the mysterious patterns hidden within these stories.
About Steven Paglierani
Steven Paglierani is an author, educator, Emergence Psychotherapist, and film maker whose writings describe the world through the lens of the autism spectrum. As a licensed therapist, he teaches others—especially those who are outside the norm and find it hard to fit in—to stop imitating normal and to be themselves. He has authored the first blamelessly “natural” personality theory, one entirely constructed from fractals. He’s also built and raced Shelby Mustangs, been a singer/song writer mentioned in Rolling Stone, and designed his best friend’s home as a wedding gift.
Contact Info
Emergence Psychotherapy / Center for Emergence
55 Old Nyack Tpke STE 608
Nanuet, NY 10993
phone: 845-627-7404
email: steven@theemergencesite.com
Websites: https://stevenpaglierani.com (published books) | https://theemergencesite.com/ (early writings)
Books
Solving The Mind Body Mystery (why do some people lose their words?) – 2010
Unraveling Human Nature (how well do you know yourself?) – 2011
The Science of Discovery (why do scientists so rarely make breakthroughs?) – 2016
Therapy for Therapists (a guide to changing lives) – 2020
Did You Know Your Diagnosis Is Bullshit? (a how-to guide to diagnosing with kindness) – 2024