What suggestions would you give to someone recently diagnosed with Asperger’s?

James, the first thing I’d keep in mind is, do not go through this alone. Of all the things I could suggest, this is the most important of all. I sense that you are a brave soul working hard to better himself. To succeed, you’ll need to be reminded often that you are, and will always be, a human being worthy of all the love and kindness any other human being deserves, regardless of how different you may be.

Fortunately, there are many people, including here on Quora, who are more than willing and able to do said reminding. This includes me. Each of us has faced similar struggles. Each of us can help you to get up when you fall. All you need do is continue to do what you have begun here; ask us questions.

My second suggestion is to consider taking the vow that kept me from killing myself. After years of seeking answers and failing, I vowed to never suffer without gain. In my case, this led to my realizing that people who suffer honestly and personally have the greatest potential for doing good in the world. So much for the cold stereotypes assigned to us. So while in this moment, you may see only hard work ahead, allow for the possibility that this work may lead to you become a world changer.

Imagine that.

My third suggestion is to stay away from medical discussions of this diagnosis. Most are infused with misinformation, like that we have no friends and make bad eye contact. Seriously?

Equally important, avoid at all cost people who treat you as if you are broken, rather than different. This includes helping professionals. More than anything else, exposing yourself to these people (e.g Autism Speaks) will kill your belief in yourself and your chances to have a good life.

Finally, consider doing gentle physical activities wherein you can learn to calm your mind. Hiking, Yoga, Tai Chi, meditation; each in its own way counterbalances our tendencies to overthink things. I spent ten of my most painful years on a small mountain top near my home, learning to meditate, day by day. And as slowly learned to still my busy mind, I more and more became able to immerse myself in the wonder and wordlessness of nature.

For a man whose mind never stopped, day and night, this gave me an inner peace I never though possible.

James, welcome to the most amazing journey of all; discovering how your goodness and differences might make the world a better place.

I so wish you luck on your journey.

James Replied:

Thank you, I have to watch how much eye contact I make. I hold it way to long if focused on the person. I trust my psychiatrist, not most internet sites. It has been less than a month and I’m coming to terms with it. But I need to ask a few questions from others like me.

Steven Replied:

James, it sounds like you have a good psychiatrist and I so agree with his suggestion. As for eye contact, ironically, the more you try to imitate normal by making eye contact, the more awkward you’ll feel. I suggest following some of us here (no eye contact needed) and simply continue to learn by watching. And try not to be in too much of a hurry to find a mentor. In fact, it may benefit you more to find a good meditation teacher, one who is not troubled by your differences.

James Replied:

I am not sure, but I think the eye contact part may actually be natural. I get zero discomfort looking into peoples eyes. My wife pointed out that I make others uncomfortable if I don’t check myself. I am in no hurry for a mentor. I need to find a worthy passion first. As I have said I wear a mask in my daily life, similar to what I have read about psychopaths. I mostly fit in very well. If I get interested and focus on someone my mask begins to slip. I explain this to people I work with, it’s usually not a problem. I know that it can be intimidating so I prepare people before it happens. Sometime I use eye contact to my advantage. I very much thank you for your time. It’s time for me to learn, I’m good at that part.